Eating humble pie... um, cake

Happy Thanksgiving to you! I hope your day has been filled with blessings overflowing as we remember the bounty which God has given to us in this country. My mind and heart have been preparing for this post most of the day. It's not an easy one to share, but I know that God is prompting me to share my walk with you so on I must go...

Most of you know that I make special cakes for my kids on their birthdays. November is always challenging as I have two cakes to make at one time for two different children/two different genders! I have a friend, though, who has four kids with birthdays all within a month of each other... now, she's a busy cake lady come the Spring! I've taken Wilton cake decorating classes, spent money on plenty of cake decorating stuff, and have even tweaked certain cake recipes. Case in point...

I usually use a box cake mix for my cakes. They taste okay and are dependable. Well, I decided to try and enhance the box mix to produce a more dense cake as I have on the plan to build a 3-D fuzzy bunny for D's cake. After baking my pumpkin pie at 7:30 this morning, I shifted into cake mode. I found the enhanced recipes on a cake website and began making my 3 box cakes... at the same time.

During this time, Ben kept the kids out of my hair, but they were really a side-show for me. I neglected them and Ben all in an effort to get the cakes done before heading over to my parents' house at noon for Thanksgiving dinner. My attitude was terrible toward them... just wanting to get my stuff done, etc. The cakes were baking and not getting done and then finally the toothpick came out clean! I let them cool and then attempted to get them out of the pans. And then it happened...

All of my cakes just crumbled after leaving the pans... and 1/2 the cakes stayed inside the pans. I was devastated (to say the least). What was I going to do? I have to make these cakes for Saturday and need to stay on track to get them cooled and dirty iced before tomorrow? Well, with a negative mindset, I went to take a shower as we only had 45 minutes until departure. And it hit me... actually, God spoke to my heart. "Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall." Proverbs 16:18. Ouch.

I was so concerned with dazzling my kids and family with the cakes that I didn't really think about what I was doing in the process. I've spent all week making bits and pieces of cake prep parts (icing, fondant, etc.) and forgetting the reason for doing what I do! It was all about me. The ironic thing is that my kids don't even like the icing and fondant I use for the cakes! K doesn't even really like cake! Ben and I also do not like the icing and fondant. It hit me, hard. I wasted an entire morning in the kitchen, by myself, stewing over whether or not my cakes would get done. I could have been playing with my kids, celebrating my son's birthday, and just plain spending time with my family. God is faithful to redeem that time as I have learned a huge lesson from this experience.

Am I going to make cool cakes again? Probably at some point, yes. Will K have ballet slippers for her birthday cake on Saturday? Probably, yes as that cake could be pieced together. Will D have his blue bunny cake on Saturday? Probably, no. A bowl of cake crumbs is sitting on my counter right now. They taste pretty good but can't hold a form! I could easily make more cake tomorrow and salvage blue bunny, but for what reason? So I can save face on Saturday and have amazing cakes? At what cost? Irritability with my family? Isolation in the kitchen? It's not worth it. I'll finish K's cake and ice the cupcakes from the overflow batter. We'll stick candles in them, sing Happy Birthday, and open the lid to the crumb cake and let people choose what they want to eat on Saturday.

I want to spend the rest of the weekend getting ready for Christmas and having a good time with my family while discipling my kids with what matters. It's a tough lesson and it pains me to think of the money I've invested in cakes and cake decorating, but money can be earned. Time with my family cannot. So on this Thanksgiving of 2010, my son's 2nd birthday, I'm thankful that God continues to shape and mold me into the perfect design He has in mind. Happy Thanksgiving!

Anxious Thoughts

I love God's timing... really, I do. As I sat down with coffee mug in hand and opened God's Word, I prayed that the Lord would really impress upon me a truth that I need to hear... not necessarily one that I want to hear but need to hear! Boy, He spoke loud and clear this morning, and I'd like to share some thoughts with you about anxiety.

For the most part, I am not an anxious person. I recognize when I have too much on my plate and can calm myself pretty well by taking bite-sized pieces of each task; however, there are times when tasks become my focus and people seem to fade into the background. It's not something in which I take delight, but it's an area of constant attention for me... tasks vs. people.

Well, as I opened up the Proverbs to my daily reading, corresponding to the date on the calender, I started with chapter 18. Here's what verse 1 says: "A man who isolates himself seeks his own desire; He rages against all wise judgment." Hm, I thought. Interesting... honestly, I thought about our nation right now and how individual it is. The "American Experiment" started out with families creating community in which religious (and other) liberty was emphasized; now we seem to have shifted from religious liberty to bondage as we live our lives in such compartmentalized ways. No longer do I see large families with aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins all together in community... each family is on its own to make its way in the world. Our constant on-demand texting and such connects us to people but only in limited ways. Life isn't being shared in fellowship but in snippets.... And as a whole, our nation is becoming very foolish in its decision-making abilities. We have isolated ourselves and listen to our own selfish desires rather than becoming wise and embrace the collective nature of a church family and learn from one another.

I digress... so I thought about our country. Well, then I read my daily devotion in "My Utmost for His Highest" and was hit across the head with a 2 x 4. Here are Oswald Chambers' thoughts: "We are designed with a great capacity for God, but sin, our own individuality, and wrong thinking keep us from getting to Him. God delivers us from sin - we have to deliver ourselves from our individuality.... Stop listening to the tyranny of your individual natural life and win freedom into the spiritual life." Wow... I was amazed at how these two readings are linked together.

If I isolate myself from others and dwell on the natural inclinations of my heart, I will surely see only myself and all of the sin that so easily entangles me. I'll be more prone to snub wise counsel in decisions as well as pure joy in fellowshiping with the body of believers. I don't believe that we have to be around people all of the time. We do need to pull away and have quiet, personal time with the Lord because our God wants that intimate relationship with His children. But I see that there is great concern in too much thinking of individual pursuits and desires when they start to cloud our thoughts with who God is and what He is doing in the larger picture of life.

I close with this thought... "Anxiety in the heart of man causes depression, but a good word makes it glad." Proverbs 12:25 Where do those good words come from? Most certainly the Word of God, but I also think that community that can speak into my life and give counsel and encouragement is what God had in mind. Just some thoughts to ponder... alone and with others!

Blessings!

2 birthdays

Hello, friends! Could it possibly be that I have not blogged in over a month? Oh my word... and I have plenty of words to share. Life is busy; have you ever noticed that? I read quotes and such and say, "Oh, I need to blog about that;" yet, the computer sits idle as I care for three little ones and the leader of our home. Most of my thoughts, of late, would fly in the face of many people so I temper myself with much prayer and ask for God to grant me wisdom to know what to share and what to keep within the safe walls of marriage and a few close friendships.

Recently, I've been thinking about and mentally planning for two birthdays that will occur in the next few days. K will turn 4 on Monday, the 15th, so we've been waffling between two cake designs for her. At first, it was a pumpkin... pretty straightforward and rather easy. Then, thanks to her Grandma, she decided she wanted ballet shoes. There aren't a lot of ballet cake designs on the Internet so I've taken the best of some and Ben's ideas, and we're off to form twinkle toes for her cake. It's rather humorous to us that we even make a cake for her as she is not a fan of the butter cream icing, the fondant, nor the cake! She'll have the ballet cake for her extended family celebration on the 27th; for her actual day on Monday, I'll be making an ice cream cake... much more to her liking.

D will turn 2 on Thanksgiving Day this year. Sorry, D, no special cake for you on your actual day... pumpkin pie and apple pie win out. Thankfully, he devours both of those choices. For the family party on the 27th, he'll receive a 3-D "blue bunny" cake from us. Ben and I are attempting to make a "fuzzy" bunny that stands up for his cake. His blue bunny is his night-night animal and much loved. We felt it was an appropriate choice for him. I'll post pictures of the results after I've made them in a few weeks.

Our kids are growing up so quickly; the days feel long at times with sibling fighting, whining, crying, and disobedience in various forms, but as I look at the long range picture, I marvel in how far are kids have come in just months of time. J is excelling in school, and I am enjoying schooling him so much more than I thought possible. Every day presents its own challenge, but I feel God's blessing as I teach and instruct from the heart. Powerful. K loves ballet and taking care of her babies. For so long, K didn't care about her dolls and preferred to play with J's toys; however, she is really blossoming into quite the little mommy to her babies and quite tenderly cares for them. D is finally starting to talk and there are more words coming out of him than I can define :) He babbles and stares at me while trying to get his point across at every opportunity. It's quite comical. At almost 2, he falls right in line with big brother and big sister, trying to do everything that they do and quite disappointed when he can't or Mama won't let him! We've been enjoying a rather mild October/November so recess has been a joy almost every day with our good friends across the street who also home school! Blessings abound.

Ben and I are savoring special times together.... even planning for a 10 year anniversary trip to Chicago next June. It'll be great to return to the area where we met, courted, and were married. Even at 8 months away, we're anticipating a great vacation to see our old house, visit our church, and relive some of the special date destinations we enjoyed in Chicago. 10 years... wow! What a blessing to be married to such an amazing and godly man!

Well, I hope to post something soon that is less of a "recap" of our lives, but one can never tell. Blessings to all!

Character

The house is quiet to the whir of the dishwasher. How lovely to have a few minutes to write down my thoughts about that which dwells within me! I've recently returned to my daily reading of My Utmost for His Highest by Oswald Chambers. Last year, I read it faithfully every morning; due to creativity and newness, I set it aside a few months ago, but God tugged at my heart one day to pick it up. I'm so glad that I did. His writing is beyond time and certainly challenges me on a daily basis to live my faith instead of just talk it.

The past few entries that he has written have really spoken deeply to me, a housewife and mom. Most days I feel extremely blessed to stay home with the kids, instilling in them a desire to know Truth and to know the One who created Truth. And then there are those days when the yellow school bus looks awfully enticing and nap time cannot come soon enough. On such a day last week, I read this from Chambers:

"We are not made for the mountains, for sunrises, or for the other beautiful attractions in life - those are simply intended to be moments of inspiration. We are made for the valley and the ordinary things of life, and that is where we have to prove our stamina and strength.... We are inclined to think that everything that happens is to be turned into useful teaching. In actual, fact, it is to be turned into something even better than teaching, namely, character."

Hmmm... those valleys seem rather deep at times. And yet when I think of the mountain-top experiences that I've had in my life, I seem to recall just a handful. Yet, they sustain me. During this season of my life when so much is demanded of me just by the sheer nature of having small children, I know that I need to push through the urge to FEEL refreshed. I need to dive into God's Word and BE refreshed with His strength whether my emotions follow or not. And how do I do that?

"We have seen what we are not, and what God wants us to be, but are we willing to be battered into the shape of the vision to be used by God? The beatings will always come in the most common, everyday ways and through common, everyday people. We have to learn to live in reliance upon what we saw in the vision, not simply live in ecstatic delight and conscious reflection upon God."

1 Corinthians 10: 12-13 comes to mind about temptations and God providing me a way out when tempted to give in to my want to wallow in my busy day. The vision that God has for my life is quite simply that I conform to the image of Christ. It's not a hard concept to understand, but it is an impossible reality on this side of heaven... were it not for Jesus' death and God's promise to give us strength for each day. As long as I keep putting my feet on the ground and focus my gaze on Jesus, I work through each day. In that working, God is shaping my character to be more like Jesus. The ecstatic moments only serve to provide a little booster power to my feet, but they don't propel me to the end of the walk. I praise the Lord that He walks with us in the valley and refreshes us on the mountains and calls us to Himself... for each new day!

Blessings!

Vacuums and Hair

We just returned from a family bike ride, at night, without working lights on the bikes! We have the battery-powered lights, but the batteries were a tad old. Ben is fixing that problem as I type. It was fun, a little chilly, to be out with the kids tonight. It was an unexpected outing as we were supposed to be meeting with a couple that we mentor; however, K had a 102.2 degree fever this afternoon, and D spent yesterday attached to my hip and wearing some of his food, second time 'round. So, we didn't want to spread germs to our couple and their new baby; we decided to freeze out the kids, instead, on a bike ride. K seemed to be doing better this evening with a fever right around 100. Hopefully, a good night's rest will heal all of the ills around here.

Okay, so the topic of my post... J and K have daily chores, two sets. One set is done in the morning after breakfast and the other set is done in the afternoon after nap time/quiet time. Today's responsibility is a shared task of vacuuming the upstairs bedrooms and hallway. They usually do very well at this and even pick everything off of the floor. J pushes the nozzle/hose and K guides the canister. I don't know what happened today as I was downstairs with D, prepping dinner.

As the story goes (according to a 5 1/2 year old)... they were finishing up D's room and heading to the hallway when the cheeky almost 4 year old decides to block the doorway, reluctant to move. J got a bit upset, and creative... to his credit..., and decided to lift the running nozzle above K's head and around her to get to the hallway. At this point, I hear shrill screams and run upstairs. K's hair is caught in the nozzle. J is visibly upset by this and I turn off the vacuum. K is in hysterics; J is blubbering; D is downstairs saying something to me in his language... we're still working on translations!

All is well... now. K only lost a small chunk of hair, not even noticeable. J learned a valuable lesson about keeping the vacuum on the floor. And it showed me that they really do have a tender spirit toward each other. J was upset at what he had done to K and at the terror that was in her eyes. He softened toward her for the rest of the evening. They really do listen to what I say about showing each other love and about being compassionate to others. It was a hard lesson to learn, but God gifted me with grace for the moment so that I could handle the issue beneath the issue and spread grace and mercy where I would have rather judged with the Mommy-iron fist.

It's encouraging to be in the midst of God's molding of tiny hearts... may mine always be receptive to His teaching, too.

Blessings!

WARNING: A probably controversial post :)

Okay, you can't say that you haven't been warned about today's post. I'm revved up and ready to go. Yesterday, J came home from his one-day-a-week school with a more mellow demeanor than last week. After much prodding, I was finally able to gather bits of information that helped me to understand the less-than-enthusiastic mood in which I found my otherwise happy 5-year old. The second day of school proved to be harder than the first. Kids were less polite; alliances began forming; typical social "pressures" started rearing their heads. For the first time (at least that he's mentioned it to me), J recognized that not every child has the same rules and expectations at home as he has.

He doesn't feel like he can make any friends because he doesn't know about the latest movies or have "cool toys." The couple of kids that he does know from church have broadened their horizons and are playing with new friends. It broke my heart a little, but I know that he'll be fine. He is shy and quiet until he is comfortable with a situation, but he'll blossom soon. I have little doubt that in a few more weeks, he'll have some new friends.

But his comments about "culture" set my mind to thinking/guessing. Maybe we are too strict with our kids? Maybe we should allow more media into our home? Maybe we shouldn't ask them to do the chores that we do ask them to do? Maybe we should buy them "cooler" toys? Maybe we should blend them into the culture a little more? After all, the kids with whom he spends these 6 hours on Tuesdays are homeschooled kids, coming from supposedly Christian homes. What is wrong with us?

I voiced my concerns to Ben after the kids were in bed promptly at 8 pm. He heard my thoughts and almost, as I was speaking, I realized that what I was saying was ludicrous! We have a standard for our family and cling to it to make our family a light in this world. In our conviction, we have made decisions that have not been popular nor easy to make, but we feel that God is leading us in this way. We don't judge others for their parenting because we aren't the Holy Spirit in their lives. We simply do what we do for the purposes of our kids being brought up in a home that seeks Truth... to live by it, apply it, and love it. We fail many times throughout the day, but we always hold the bar where it is because we sense God's glory and pleasure in it. Ben reassured me that J will make friends and that we're doing the right thing. It's all I needed to hear because in my heart, I knew that's what God was telling me.

And then, almost as by coincidence (but since I don't believe in chance encounters but God-ordained moments), I picked up a book today at the library that had been on hold for almost a week. It's called Family Driven Faith by Voddie Baucham, Jr. I've only read 25 pages, but the Lord spoke to my heart in a way of encouragement that had to be from Him. Allow me to quote:

"We (parents) look at the biblical mandate and compare it to societal norms, and there appears to be something missing. We believe that somehow we are depriving our children of experiences that will make them more liked, more respected, more normal. Hence we trade in the biblical standard for a cultural norm that hovers just below mediocrity. All of a sudden our desires for our children change. Now all we want for our kids is what 'every other parent' wants for their children." (p. 18)

Wow! Thank you, God! He reminded me of what it means to parent by the Book. I don't want to trade in His standards and the protection of living in His will for my children (or me) to be more liked or accepted. I don't fault the other kids or the other parents. I have no doubt that J would be absolutely side-swiped by culture had he gone to public school... and to those Christian parents who have their kids in public schools, I realize, even-more-so, the amount of interest and safeguarding you must do with your little ones! Wow. All I'm saying is that for us, we will not compromise on the convictions we have in order to ease J into his classroom. He'll make friends; he'll find his niche, and we, along the way, can hopefully lead him to a place where he will make his best Friend, Jesus.

Blessings!

Firsts

The first... day of dance lessons went very well. She looked the part with her black leotard, pink tights, and pink shoes. The smile went from ear to ear and possible caught up in her blond strands! Parents aren't allowed to watch classes, but for the first day, her teacher, Miss Maura, opened the door 10 minutes before the end of class. My neck hurt from straining, but I was able to see my little ballerina tip-toe her way across the floor. She was the only girl of nine in a black leotard, the others opting for pink. Her attitude was obviously from her mama as she said that she liked wearing the black... must have heard me discussing the leotard color with my mama, saying that I just couldn't let her wear anything other than black! I endured it for 13 years! But I have a softer side, too; maybe in a couple of weeks I'll buy her a pink one. For now, we're enjoying the first of many lessons to come in the world of ballet!

(standing in front of our sign at home)

The first... day of kindergarten. We started our school the first week of August, but tomorrow marks the first day of sending J off to a one-day-a-week school for homeschool students. He'll be gone from 9-3 and experience a classroom with 21 other kindergartners. They'll do lessons, have recess, enjoy lunch, run in PE, and dramatize in Readers' Theatre! Wow... my little man. I don't know who is more excited? He is very excited to carry his backpack, meet some new friends, and be at school with his teacher; although, a tender moment softened my heart just last week. K asked J who is teacher is at Heartland. He answered and then promptly added (without any noise from me) that I was his teacher, too. He gets it! How exciting!

The first... sneezes of the season. Every year, around this time, I remember why I feel conflicted over fall. I love the smells, the colors, the temperature, the tastes, and the clothes, but I strongly DISLIKE the sneezing, watery eyes, and runny nose! Allergies, ick! All I can say is that after knowing Ben for 10 years, this is the first year where misery loves company. He finally is showing signs of allergic reactions to the weather. I really don't wish my ailment on others, but it's comforting to share the tissues together. Bliss! :)


The first... strong desire to study the book of the Bible that normally has me scratching my head... Proverbs. God has placed on my heart to study the ideas of "wisdom, knowledge, and understanding" from Proverbs and other places. I attempt this feat knowing that the Lord will provide the direction and am excited to figure out how those wisdom words can apply to me, as a wife and a mom.


The first... taste of homemade bread in 3 1/2 months. Our detox diet is nearly over, and today, we added bread back into our diet. You do not know the depth of appreciation that I have for the taste of bread. I made 4 loaves this morning and promptly sliced a hunk for lunch and thoroughly enjoyed it without anything added. It was amazing! That craving, apparently, didn't disappear during the detox :) Ben and I are feeling good (despite the allergies) and have lost some weight with the diet. I suppose our addition of bread and chips and salsa today will put some of that weight back on, but we are recognizing new limits to how much we can consume of those wonderful treats!

The first... goodnight for September! Blessings!